Ben’s hands were sweating as he pushed the buzzer for Cal’s apartment. Or whoever’s apartment they were using. Ben tried not to think about it or the roll of tens in his pocket. He felt like a criminal. Which he probably was. But worse, he felt so damn guilty. Using somebody’s body for sex like some creep. As he stood there, disgust seemed to leach into his bones and bring the icy wind with it.

When the buzz came to tell him he could open the door, Ben almost didn’t go in. For a split second, he considered walking away, putting this whole thing behind him. But the pang of panic that lanced through him at the thought was just too much and he barged through the door before it was too late. He’d already canceled once and the idea of missing out on seeing Cal again, even for a minute…well, he felt guilty about using him, but not that guilty.

Any bad feelings were washed away as soon as Cal opened the door and Ben saw the warm and inviting smile on his face. Ben wasn’t sure how he could have forgotten how cute the guy was after just two weeks, and even more so today being that he looked like he’d just stepped out of the shower. His hair was damp and dark, and he was barefoot which gave Ben a semi before he was even in the door for some reason. Other than that, Cal was wearing jeans that were so well worn they looked almost white and a lavender t-shirt with a faded band name that stretched across his chest. Edible, in other words. But it was the smile that almost took Ben’s breath away. At least it sure as hell did something to his brain as he almost forgot how to put one foot in front of the other when Cal stepped back to let him in.

“Hey, you,” Cal said sounding genuinely pleased to see him. “Come in and get warmed up. You look frozen.”

Ben nodded and finally got his stuttering limbs to move, even if his mouth wasn’t quite ready to start working yet.

The room was warm and bright considering how gloomy the day outside had been. It helped in a way that the apartment was so high end. If it weren’t for the stack of porn films under the TV or the baskets of lube and condoms placed strategically about the place like potpourri, it could be mistaken for a film set. Being there again seemed unreal, or like a dream; divorced enough from his reality that Ben could relax knowing that he could be someone else for a little while.

Slowly, Ben unbuttoned his coat and unzipped the layer beneath, sliding out of his outerwear, even though he hadn’t moved from his position by the door.

Cal watched him from under his lashes at the kitchen counter as he poured coffee into two mugs. “You know you can come in, right?”

Ben nodded slightly and tried to smile. His mouth really wasn’t playing ball but he walked to the breakfast bar as confidently as he could. He wasn’t nervous exactly. Although, that semi-salacious grin on Cal’s face wasn’t helping any. Mostly, he was embarrassed. Not only about the things they had done together the last time he was in that apartment, but of all the things he’d imagined doing since. Ben had spent his whole life trying to persuade himself that he wasn’t a pervert. Seems he was wrong.

He stuffed his coats onto one of the bar stools—which was easier said than done—and sat down on another when Cal pushed one of the mugs over to him. Cal took a sip of his coffee, then asked, like it was perfectly normal, “How was your day?”

Ben huffed out a laugh, struck by the ridiculousness of it all. Wrapping his hands around the warm porcelain, he shook his head. “You know you don’t have to be nice to me.”

Cal’s eyebrows peaked. “Really? You’d prefer me to be mean? I can do mean. I have equipment and everything.”

Ben looked up, shocked and about to set Cal straight—he wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. That was until he saw the tight little smirk, and the tease in Cal’s eyes. He laughed out a sigh of relief. “No, I don’t mean…I just mean, I’m—I’m paying you, so…”

Cal leaned forward on the counter, placing one forearm down at a time and folding his hands together, then ducked his head so Ben’s gaze had no choice but to find Cal’s kind eyes.

“You’re right. You’re paying me. But as far as I’m concerned you’re not paying me just for sex. I’m here to make you feel good. Whatever that takes. You just want to sit and talk? We can do that. You want me to shut the hell up and fuck my mouth for the hour? We can do that too. Last time you said you wanted to try being with a man to see if you liked it? Is that still what you want?”

Ben nodded, mortified to hear his own words spoken back to him. But Cal just stood straight and took up his coffee up again. “Well then. We’ll do that. But I can skip the small talk if it makes you feel more comfortable.”

Ben shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. It was good. “My day was fine.”

Cal’s smile was instant. “Only fine, huh?” He set his coffee mug on the counter and reached over to one of the baskets there. He rifled through the assortment and pulled out a red packet. “Let’s see if we can’t make it at least good.”

Cal rounded the counter and came to stand in front of him, flicking the condom in his hand back and forth, and Ben’s mouth went dry. He swallowed and croaked out, “Good would be nice.”

Cal huffed out a laugh. He took Ben’s free hand and placed it on his chest, his pec shuddering at Ben’s touch. “If I can only manage nice, I think I’ll have to give you a discount.”

As Ben watched Cal go to his knees, he already knew that was never going to happen.