Gingerbread Fixes Everything

The Christmas Market was loud. Louder than Roman had expected. Not that he really had much expectation when his neighbor asked him if he wanted a ride into town. He’d just wanted to get out of the house for a while and somehow had ended up there.

Apparently it was an annual thing. He’d seen the village of little wooden huts getting bigger and bigger as he’d passed by on the school bus, but now, at night, with every chalet engorged with twinkling lights and tinsel, overflowing with brightly colored cookies and decorations, food and gifts, festive tee shirts and crafts, giant pretzels and cellophane bags of spun sugar—it looked totally different. More than one stall had loud music playing, the different songs merging horribly as he passed from one area to another, plus there was a band somewhere and the noise from the carnival rides but he could still hear the hubbub of the crowd’s voices as the throng laughed and chatted and cheered for no reason every now and again. It was nothing like the Christmas fair back home. Except of course, this was home now.

Back east, there was a small community fair organized by the church, with the emphasis on church, not fun. They had a guy bring real reindeer though, which was kind of cool. At least for the little kids. Not so much the reindeer, he always thought. His conservative parents thought even that was a little over the top, so he couldn’t imagine how far their brains would scatter seeing this extravaganza and having their heads explode.

Roman liked it though. He’d heard some kids in school talking about coming so he’d been curious. He still felt like the new kid even after three months, so he hadn’t been disappointed when he didn’t get an invitation to come along. Making friends was never his strong suit. He was too big to get bullied but too shy to be popular, at least out of baseball season. Once training picked up again and he got to show how good he was with a bat, no doubt people would start being more friendly. Except then he’d knew anyone who did try to buddy up to him were exactly the people to avoid hanging around with. There was only really one person he really thought of as a friend. Although given the bust up they’d had the week before, Roman was pretty certain he’d managed to screw that up somehow. He still wasn’t exactly sure what he’d done to piss Justin off but he’d made it pretty clear he was done with Roman.

The thought made his chest ache. Justin had been a surprise. He didn’t think he’d ever meet a boy like him. Confident in everything, he dressed like a theatre kid and seemed pretty popular for the only boy on the cheer squad. And he didn’t get teased for being himself. The way he danced around the place, wearing rainbow laces—and lip gloss until the principal got involved—it was as if he was daring someone to say something. The two of them couldn’t have been more different.

Maybe that was how they ended up friends. Opposites attract or something. That and Justin not caring one bit what anyone—including Roman—thought when he’d started talking to him in the lunch line, asking weird questions while he switched out whatever Roman dared to put on his tray for a different option saying only, “Trust me. You don’t wanna eat that,” before launching back into twenty questions about why Roman had transferred and did he really drive a motorcycle.

Roman was pretty glad he did not, given the temperature in North California in December. He thought it was going to avoid freezing temperatures this winter but evidently not. He didn’t think it was going to snow that night but he wished he’d worn something a little warmer. For some reason he thought it was a good idea to wear a sports jacket and not his other coat, and although he had his hoodie underneath and a hat on his head, he could have done with an extra layer of insulation.

Still he was thinking about ducking out and getting the bus home when he heard someone call his name. He turned, unsure of who it could be until he saw two familiar faces.

Joel was nice. He was a paramedic and had drafted Roman into coaching Little League with him after spotting him at the batting cages when he’d first moved to town. Despite the way Joel looked, covered in tattoos and usually wearing leather, his parents didn’t mind Roman spending time with him and Roman quite liked hanging out with the smaller kids. Plus it meant he got to use the cages for free and Joel coached him a little too.

The other guy had him reluctant to move his feet or even glance in their direction. Not only because he’d had a poster of Chase Meadows on his wall for as long as he could remember—the one with him at the top of his swing, hips and shoulders perfectly aligned, eyes dead ahead on the ball which would give him the home run that won him MVP that season—but he was Justin’s uncle. And he was pretty sure he was the reason they had fallen out.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t as if he could sneak away, not with Joel beaming over, and waving his hand to beckon him over. So, Roman sighed and dragged his feet, but walked over trying not to look too much like he didn’t want to be there.

“Chase, this is Roman. You’ll be coaching him in the spring. Unless he gets c-called up before then.” Joel clapped him on the shoulder, shaking him a little when Roman huffed in embarrassment at the joke. “He’s good.”

“Not that good,” Roman mumbled, his eyes flitting up to look at Chase before he set them firmly on his feet again. He wanted the ground to open him up and swallow him. He’d been freaking out about Chase coming to coach at the high school since he’d heard the rumor flying around. Now confronted with his hero, he was torn between running out into traffic, and trying to make a good impression.

Chase narrowed his eyes at him, as if he were trying to figure him out. Roman was prepared for a tough question about training or his grades or the other shit adults usually asked him. He was definitely not prepared when Chase said, “Roman. Justin’s friend, right?”
Running into traffic sounded better and better. Roman tried to think of something to say but could only come up with, “Um…”

“He’s around here somewhere.” Chase looked about and Roman couldn’t help look wide-eyed and panicked at Joel. Joel only smiled reassuringly and squeezed his shoulder again before releasing him as he looked away. Following his eye-line, Roman could see a woman pushing her way through the crowd. Even if Justin hadn’t been right behind her he would have pegged her for his mom right off. They had the same eyes and the same smile. Not that anyone would have known it at that moment being Justin was looking over at him as if he was preparing to kill and eat Roman for daring to breathe the same air as him.

“Hey, Justin,” Roman forced out, a little breathless as he cautiously glanced up at Justin, keeping his head low. It was self-defense. Justin was wearing his pink woolly hat pulled down with a lick of hair sweeping across his eyes and lipgloss which glittered in the lights of the market and Roman wanted to reach out and touch him. Justin’s expression didn’t change and he only grunted in reply.
Chase sighed sounding kind of exasperated. “Roman was just telling me how much he likes the carousel.”

Joel almost choked and Roman had to fight the urge to mouth “what the fuck?” at him. His mind went into panic mode, unable to grasp what the hell Chase was playing at. That was until Justin’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

There was something about the look on the guy’s face, it was half-amusement, half a dare, entirely wicked and, not for the first time, Roman wanted to kiss the smirk right off him.

He figured it could go two ways. He could fess up, throw Chase under the bus. The truth was important to Justin, he knew that much. Or he could go with it, see what happened. He opted for something in between.

“Y-yeah.” It wasn’t a lie. He did like the carousel. “I think it’s—well, it’s cheesy but it’s so Christmassy and…” Taking a deep breath, he smiled, a little. Double-dog-dare you. “D-do you wanna go? On it? With me, I mean—”

“Yes.” Justin spoke so quickly it totally caught Roman by surprise. Justin tried to play it down, to look casual, even though he sucked at it. “Mom gets motion sickness so I usually have to go by myself, although…” Justin eyes flicked over to Chase, and he looked nervous all of a sudden. “Don’t you want to stay and—?”

“No.” He knew exactly what Justin was getting at. “No, I’m good. Let’s…” Roman turned away, not heading for anywhere in particular, wanting to get away before Justin changed his mind. Sending a pleading look over his shoulder at Justin, he sighed in relief when he fell into step beside him. And when Roman cast a quick glance gratefully back to Chase, Chase nodded, smiling as he watched them walk away.

“You don’t have to do this y’know,” Justin said, after a moment of walking in silence. “I’m sure you can get into his good books without making him think you like me.”

The statement made Roman frowned over at Justin as he stopped dead in his tracks. “But I do like you. And what do you mean get in his good books? Why would I want to—?”

“Whatever.” Justin grabbed his jacket at the elbow and urged him to keep walking. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
Roman went with him, not even trying to argue. He’d tried to talk to him last week after practice and they’d ended up yelling at each other in the parking lot and the last thing he wanted to was go through that again. So he obediently trudged along behind him, wondering whether Justin would turn around and slap him if he tried to take his hand. He could say it was only so they didn’t lose each other in the crowd but they both would have known he was lying.

Mercifully, they didn’t have to go far to get to the carousel. The old-fashioned contraption was in full flow, spinning around while the horses—now “reindeer”, after an attempt at a make-over with plenty of sleigh bells and some wicked looking antlers—rose up and down in a pretense of a gallop, the sparkling lights illuminating the faces of all the people standing around and the people clinging to the candy-cane poles which kept each reindeer in place.

There was a sleigh too, with a few parents holding wide-eyed toddlers in their laps, their laughter audible even over the dreadful organ version of a barely recognizable Christmas song blasting out. It was cheesy and very sparkly, and Justin’s expression was beatific as he looked up at it, his features bathed in golden light, the strands of hair escaping from his out-sized woolly hat glowing with it. He looked more like an angel than anything Roman had ever seen in church.

The thought made his gut clench and not only because of his crush. His friendship with Justin wasn’t only friendly. Apart from the two of them actively seeking each other out—during school, and after school, in the lunch line and after practice—simple camaraderie had become lingering looks and careful touches sooner than Roman could have thought possible.

Justin wasn’t shy and there must have been something about Roman, how he acted around him or things he’d said inadvertently, that clearly showed his interest. The first time Justin slipped his hand into Roman’s and linked their fingers together, Roman thought he was going to die of happiness. Or a heart attack, thinking about what his parents would say if they thought his inclinations ran to sassy boys in rainbow Chucks.

The guilt and doubt would swamp him sometimes, late at night or sat in the pews or when his grandmother would call and jokingly ask him if he had a girlfriend yet. It wasn’t a lie to say no, but he still felt lousy knowing for sure he would never be able to answer yes. Even if he and Justin couldn’t work things out—they were still in high school after all and Roman was practical if he was anything—he knew from one press of soft lips against his, that he wasn’t going to want anything other than this for the rest of his life. The first time they had kissed, tucked behind the bleachers after practice, in the illusory privacy of the afternoon shade, he knew for sure he’d never grow out of his liking for strong hands, and muscular arms, and stubbled chins. And frankly, didn’t want to.

Slowly, the carousel came to the end of its last turn. Justin started forward before the ride had even emptied and Roman laughed as he followed him on. Justin chose a horse, white with a gold mane, as they all had, and hoisted himself into the seat effortlessly. Roman eyed him with suspicion as he took the horse next to him, mostly as, from the way he was clutching the pole that rose from the painted saddle and the glint in his eye, Roman thought Justin was about to launch into some kind of pole dancing move.

“You sure you’re not ashamed to be up here with me?” Justin called across. He was teasing but there was something defiant about it as if he was waiting for Roman to crack a joke or say something that would start them arguing again. But Roman was wise to him now and just shrugged.

“Could say the same about you,” he said, settling into his seat. He took his time to look around, the waves of light dancing over the ride as the array of a thousand light bulbs blinked on and off in a rippling pattern which made everything shimmer.

When the guy came by to take their fare, Roman paid even though Justin had his hand in his pocket and scowled once the guy had moved on. Roman threw up his hands. “Hey, I asked you. You can pay for the next one, if you want.”

Justin grumbled and pulled his hat down close over his ears, looking disgruntled until the ride jolted beneath them. They both reacted at the same time, grabbing at the poles and holding tight, but cracking up laughing when they looked across at each other, realizing they’d been the only ones to overreact.

The ride was slow at first, the music building as they got up to speed—which was still a damn sight slower than some of the other rides. The carousel spun lazily, the horses rising and falling in an almost languid fashion, smooth and steady, and Roman’s grin grew the longer it went on. The colors of the market smeared into a blur around him, washed out from the golden light of the ride and the mesmerizing vision of Justin alongside him. Justin wasn’t looking around. He had his eyes closed and his head tilted back. When he did eventually open his eyes, he immediately looked over and blushed when he caught Roman looking at him. It was tempting to look away but Roman kept staring so long he was taken by surprise when the ride came to a stop and Justin started to climb down.

It was easy to hold out his hand to help, although it looked as if it was hard for Justin to accept the offer. He was perfectly able to slide off the wooden horse and climb down the steps, but once he put his gloved hand in Roman’s, Roman never wanted to let go again.

“So, I suppose I should—”

“Do you like gingerbread?” Roman asked before Justin could finish the sentence.

Justin let his hip pop a little when he tilted his head and frowned. “You know I do.”

“Will you let me treat you? There’s a cool stand with cookies around here somewhere.”

“I saw it.” Justin smirked. “With the badly conceived Santas.” He laughed when Roman shook his head, confused. “They look like dicks from the back.”

“Well, we could get some dick Santas and maybe go up on the Ferris wheel? I bet the view is pretty good.”

Justin snorted. “It’s tiny. I bet the view is okay though.” He ducked his head and scraped the floor with his toe. “You sure you want to. With me?”

Roman frowned. He glanced around to make sure no one was paying too much attention to them before he stepped closer. “I want to do everything with you.”

Smiling shyly, Justin looked up at him through his lashes. “You think I’m going to just forget that I’m mad with you.”

“Honestly, I’m still not sure why you are.”

“I just…” Justin sighed. “I really like you. I’m just sick of people only being friends with me because of Chase, is all.”

Roman had to smile. “You know I didn’t even know he was related to you when we started hanging out. Your name’s not Meadows.”

“Not yet,” Justin beamed. “When I turn sixteen I’m going to ask Kyle to adopt me. Make it official.”

“Yeah?” Roman said, his heart swelling with happiness when he tugged on Justin’s hand and he came easily alongside him as they walked.

“That’ll be pretty cool.”

And Justin bumped his shoulder and started talking, as if they’d not be arguing at all for the week and more, and Roman knew he would buy Justin gingerbread and maybe hot chocolate and when they were at the top of the Ferris wheel he’d kiss him and with any luck he’d get the chance to do it next year and the year after that. And maybe Christmas in California wasn’t so bad after all.