Cal had considered canceling but he knew that would only draw out the inevitable. Fleeing was an increasingly attractive prospect though as he walked to the place Ben had suggested they meet. The sick feeling in his gut was making it hard to breathe and he was half-afraid he was going to barf all over his shoes as he approached the address. The only consolation he had was that he was arriving at the out-of-the-way pub early enough to theoretically have a sneaky drink or two and calm himself.Except when he pushed through the doors, Ben was right there at the bar, looking delicious in blue jeans and his big coat, pulling a note from his wallet just about to hand it over to the barman who had his hand out waiting. Ben spotted him though, turning when he heard the door swing open, and left the guy hanging until Cal got close.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” This was going to be so awkward, Cal wondered if it would be better to simply turn around and walk out, ghost the guy and get it over with.

“You wanna drink?”

Cal nodded, trying not to melt at the sound of Ben’s voice. “Sure. Mineral water is fine.”

“You driving?”

“No. But I have a class to teach later so…” Cal hadn’t meant to bring up his day job so quickly but the words had slipped out. Although, given that it was kind of what they were there to talk out, it didn’t matter so much. His two worlds had already collided. The damage was done. This was salvage mission.

Ben seemed to be on the same page in the discomfort stakes, nodding awkwardly before repeating Cal’s order to the barman who got right to it with no judgement it seemed.

With no chance to escape, Cal looked about and spotted a free table crammed into a quiet corner of the room. He pointed over at it and made a vague noise before scuttling off to claim their seats, if only to get away from Ben for a minute. The slight giddiness he blamed on being so nervous and not at all anything to do with being so close to a man whose body seemed to do as much for him clothed as it did naked.

Squeezing his eyes closed for second, determined to will that thought out of his head, he opened them to find Ben settling into the seat opposite and sliding his water over to him on a paper coaster. “You find the place okay?”

Cal nodded, stalling while he cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yes. The benefits of google maps I guess. This one of your hangouts?”

“Uh, no.” Ben smiled as he shook his head but it wasn’t from amusement. “Don’t exactly want to run into anyone I know while we…y’know.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that.” Ben’s situation made Cal feel melancholy and not for the first time, but he understood all too well Ben had to do what was necessary to protect himself.

Ben hmmed and shucked off his jacket—to reveal a dark shirt left unbuttoned at the collar enough to reveal a t-shirt underneath and a glimpse of chest hair—laying it over the back of his seat as if he was settling in for the duration. He didn’t look over at Cal, not until he’d taken a swig from the bottle of beer in from of him. “You know you don’t owe me any explanation—”

“I know,” Cal said, maybe a little too quickly. “But I didn’t want to just leave you—” he made a vague gesture as if there was a phrase that should have come after which was obvious.

“Oh, I know,” Ben said, even though Cal wasn’t sure if he did. “I just wanted you to know that I won’t say anything or… Y’know, I’m not even sure which one is your day job?”

Cal frowned but only until he saw the slight tease of a smile on Ben’s lips. “Funny.” Cal managed to keep the retort neutral but it turned the tease into a smile like he wanted. “Truth be told, I uh…” He sighed, leaning one elbow on the table and rubbed at his temple. “I don’t actually…I mean, I’m a teacher. I haven’t actually, y’know,” had sex for money, “since college.”

Ben’s brow furrowed. “Apart from me.”

“Apart from you,” Cal confirmed, wondering if that somehow made it better or worse.

Ben took another drink. “So, why me? I mean, why now?”

“Same reason as back in college, to be honest.” Cal shrugged. “I needed the money.”

“You in trouble?” The caring in Ben’s tone kinda took Cal by surprise and he had to shake his head to will it away.

“No. Well, not me. My, uh…my mom. She got sick. My parents came close to losing the house. I sold my apartment and my car to help out but I needed some money to tide me over.”

“Jesus, Cal, I’m sorry.”

Cal smiled, hoping it might wipe some of the guilt off Ben’s face. “I mentioned it to Harry, the guy you emailed initially? He said he had some work if I wanted it. I told him I would but just once.”

“Just…once.” Ben looked confused. “But…”

“But then you were just so—I don’t know. I wasn’t going to leave you to crawl back into the closet after you trusted me.”

“Well, now I feel fucking awful.” Ben hung his head, both hands clutching the bottle in front of him until Cal reached out and discretely covered the fist he was making with his hand.

“Hey. It wasn’t like I hated it, Ben. I had fun. I liked being there with you.”

When Ben looked up, his expression was so lost, Cal wanted to lean over the table and kiss him. “Liked. That sounds final.”

Despite having rehearsed what needed to be said and going over and over in his mind what the best course of action would be, Cal wasn’t sure what to say faced with the look of disappointment in Ben’s eyes.

“Okay, look.” Cal straightened up and doing his best to appear as if he meant business. “I have a career that would be over faster than I could clear my desk if anyone knew about—our arrangement.” Ben tried to pull away, sitting back in his chair but Cal kept tight hold of his hand. “Now you know who I am and, well, it changes things. So—I want to propose a different arrangement.”

It wasn’t what he’d meant to say. Not at all. But then Ben was suddenly looking all kinds of hopeful and Cal was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to back out.

“What kind of arrangement? Cause if it’s more money…”

Cal shook his head. “No, no. Kinda the opposite. I don’t need your money and I can’t let you keep paying me.” Not when I’m getting as much out of it as you. “So let’s ditch all that. You wanted to know if you were…” Cal didn’t want to out Ben in a semi-public place but Ben got the gist and nodded so Cal went on. “And I think we’ve established that you are?”

“Several times,” Ben murmured, red tinting his cheeks as he tried to hide his smile behind the beer his was bring to his lips.

Cal felt his cheeks heat and was mildly horrified that he was blushing. “Well, then I guess stage one is complete. Maybe we should move onto stage two.”

“Which is?”

“Making you dateable.”

Ben looked equal parts horrified and offended. “You think I’m not dateable?”

“Oh, no, I do,” Cal said in a hurry, reaching out to touch him again but thinking better of it and aborting halfway across the table. “I just think you could do with some practice. Help you get comfortable with the idea. Maybe offer some advice on dating while gay. I can take you to some places you could meet someone when you think you’re ready for a relationship. Grinder is great but not totally safe or good for the ego.”

Ben looked doubtful. “When you say, practice?” For a second, Cal felt crushed. That was until Ben went on. “Do you mean like, friends with benefits?”

It wasn’t, at least not consciously, but the glint in Ben’s eye had Cal’s mouth spluttering, “Yes. Absolutely. If that’s what you want,” before Cal even had time to think about it.

“Yeah,” Ben responded, the only hesitation coming when he ran his heated gaze over Cal’s body and up to his eyes, lingering on his mouth for a fraction too long on the way. “Yeah, I want.”