Cal looked down at him, not quite distressed but close. “Now?”

Ben felt himself pink up, embarrassed at his timing. Maybe being sprawled between Cal’s legs on the couch wasn’t the most obvious time for a heart-to-heart. Not that wasn’t wholly enjoying himself. It was just that recently whenever he’d found himself feeling more comfortable about being with Cal, a thought kept intruding on the moment. Ben smiled apologetically and mumbled, “Sorry. Forget it,” and went back to what he’d been doing.

Except when he looked away and went back to the task at hand—putting his lips around the tip of Cal’s cock which was straining towards his face, trying to focus what Cal had told him about going slow and doing what Ben knew he liked himself—Ben found Cal’s hand in his hair pushing him gently back.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s your dime. Ask away.” He sounded sincere and when Ben looked up at him he looked it too.

Ben pushed himself up and sat back on his heels thinking, not for the first time, that this was not exactly how he’d imagined being with a prostitute would be. He couldn’t quite think of Cal as a friend but he was the only person he had that he could talk this stuff over with. It was all very well reading about it on the internet but it wasn’t the same as talking about it over a beer. Or a blowjob.

“It’s kinda personal. But I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

Cal frowned. “Okay. I’m not really—” He ran his hand over his face, seemingly to take some time to think, then pulled his underwear over his dick like it would be too distracting to talk and be naked, and sat up at the other end of the couch. “Just go ahead and ask but if I don’t want to answer, just know it’s not personal, okay?”

Ben nodded. He got it. And he was cool with it. He didn’t really feel like sharing much about himself, and he could understand why Cal wasn’t up for it. Still, he was embarrassed and totally tongue tied, until Cal nudged his knee with his toe.

Ben smiled a little. “I guess. I know I started doing this…with you…to see if…”

It was still damn hard to say it. luckily, he didn’t have to. “To see if you liked being with a man?”

Ben winced and nodded. “Yeah. But I think it’s pretty obvious that I am—” His cheeks bulged out as he blew out a breath. “I am gay.” It felt a little weird to say it out loud, but good in a strange way. He smiled. “Anyway, I was thinking that I’m going to have to tell people eventually, my family and—” His stomach lurched at the thought of it. “And I just wondered what it was like. To tell people.” Cal nodded slowly but stayed quiet and steady and Ben suddenly realized what a horrible idea it was to talk to him about this. “Y’know, what, forget it. I didn’t mean to—”

“Hey, no. It’s okay,” Cal said, reaching out to him. His hand dropped to the couch before it touched Ben, but the gesture was comforting. “It’s just not a straight-forward.”

Ben had to smile a little. “I think that’s the point isn’t it?”

Cal laughed, and something about the sound drew some of the tension out of Ben. As did the smile that followed. “Cute. But there’s no fits-all answer to that. If there was a magical phrase to get people to accept you, or one standard reaction you could expect, then I figure you might have done it a long time ago?”

Ben nodded. “Maybe.” He ran his fingertip along the seam of the cushion. “How was it for you?”

Cal sighed and looked at the ceiling for a second. “Honestly? It never really happened.”

“They don’t know?” Ben frowned. He hardly knew the man but something told him that Cal wasn’t the sort to hide from who he was. Not that he was exactly obviously gay, but there was something about him that pinged Ben’s underutilized gaydar.

“Oh, they know. But it was kinda like they always knew. We never had to sit down and have a coming out talk. I mean, I had a couple of girlfriends in high school that lasted all of five minutes but then when I started talking about guys, they never seemed surprised or bothered.”

Ben’s mind drifted back to that moment, listening to his father spewing hate and the way it made him die on the inside. “You’re very lucky.”

Cal nodded. “I know. Believe me, I know.” He seemed to wait then scooched forward to get closer and took Ben’s hand, turning over and stroking his fingers absently as he talked. “I know a few guys who got thrown out over it when they were still kids, some whose parents went ballistic at first but came around later. I know a couple who took a long time to say anything, who put themselves through hell and then their families said they’d known all along and what was the fuss about. You might have an idea about how it’s going to go and you might be right. But I can’t tell you for sure. Do they have no idea?”

“I don’t think so.” Ben shook his head. “No, they don’t.”

“Look,” Cal said, shuffling closer until their knees were touching. “You don’t have to rush into anything. Maybe wait until you feel more comfortable with the idea yourself. Once you’re ready for a relationship, maybe. Once you don’t stutter when you say it out loud?” Cal smiled and ducked his head to get Ben to look at him.

Ben smiled. “Yeah. Y’know this was the first time I ever said it out loud? To anyone.”

The shock on Cal’s face was extraordinary. Ben almost wanted to laugh but Cal seemed completely taken back. “Oh, that’s—that’s amazing.”

For a second, Ben wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed. He looked away, to where Cal was still holding his hand. Taking control, he pulled Cal’s hand up to his lips and kissed the palm of his hand. Cal stayed quiet until Ben took his thumb into his mouth and sucked from the base to the nail and was gratified to feel Cal shiver. “Shall we get back to it?”

Cal looked at him blankly then nodded. “Whatever you want.”

Ben huffed out a laugh. “Well, when I figure that out you’ll be the first to know but right now…” His hands moved to Cal’s crotch and Cal let himself fall back against the cushions, a sweet smile on his face as he bit his lip, and a groan escaping the moment Ben’s mouth was back on him.