“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Ben looked up from where he was about to lay down the cable, to find Charlie running toward him looking shocked. Of course, that was enough for him to realize exactly what would happen if he turned on the power with his feet in the water like that.

“Are you trying to electrocute yourself on purpose, you lunatic?”

Ben stood up, shaking his head as he let out a shaky breath. “God, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” It was a lie. He knew exactly why he’d been so distracted but he is wasn’t so simple as being able to come right out and admit it to his brother. Or to even admit to himself.

“First, the pallet screw-up and now this?” Charlie pushed his hard-hat back on his head before he folded his arms across his chest, looking uncomfortably like their father for a second. “Is everything okay with you or have you just lost your touch after being stuck in that office for too long?”

“You’re right,” Ben said sighing. He shouldn’t have be out there on-site. It was only that he’d missed being involved with the hands-on work, getting mud on his boots and callouses on his palms, not simply pushing papers around and trouble shooting all day. Plus, he’d been so distracted the last couple of days, staring blankly at the screen or out the tiny window of his cabin, he’d thought a bit of physical labor might shake him out of it. Instead, he nearly killed himself. “I should probably get back to the office.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Charlie laughed. “If your head is up your ass out here, that’s one thing. But letting you loose on our budget while you’re like this? I don’t think so. You can’t manage shit in this state. Come on. Let’s get out of here for a while. Manny can handle the site for a couple of hours. Right, Manny?”

Charlie yelled the last words over to the stout foreman who flipped him the bird and yelled back, “I want double time if I’m doing your job, you prick,” which, for Manny, was a term of endearment so Ben felt less guilty about sloping off after his brother and climbing into the passenger seat of the truck for a change.

Charlie drove them to the diner where he normally would get a burger to-go, so he at least knew the food would be good even if he didn’t feel much like eating. The place was humming but not overcrowded so they had a choice of tables. Charlie took him to a booth near the door which Ben was glad of. He felt conspicuous enough in his muddy boots and jeans and hardly wanted to track it all through the chrome and white tile to get to his seat.

Neither of them bothered to look at the menu, ordering their usuals when the waitress came to take their order, then sat in silence until she was done filling their cups with coffee from the carafe that looked to heavy for her skinny arms to manage.

“Talk to me.” Charlie sipped his coffee, wincing at the heat of it. “I know something’s going on with you. Come on. Out with it.”

“I’m fine,” Ben lied. “Just tired.”

“Bullshit. You’ve been all weird and wistful for a week now. Today might not the first time you’ve screwed up on site but I’ve never known you do something so fucking dangerous. Come on, man. Where’s your mind at? Is it this woman you’ve been seeing?”

It felt like the perfect in, as if his brother was gifting him the best opportunity he’d ever have to say ‘Actually, it’s a guy‘ and it not feel as if he was trying to shoehorn the information into a conversation or make some kind of big confession. Even though it would be. But even when the words were on the tip of his tongue, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Not because he didn’t want to tell Charlie but because that wasn’t exactly what was bothering him.

“I’ve just got some stuff on my mind,” he said, but it sounded unconvincing even to his ears. Charlie’s too given the way he raised his eyebrows. Ben sighed and rubbed at his brow with his fingertips. “I just—it was supposed to just be a bit of fun, y’know? Blow off some steam, like you said.”

“She getting serious?” Charlie smirked as he sipped his coffee again, but seeing the way Ben squirmed, Charlie sobered. “Oh. You’re getting serious.”

“I don’t know if serious is the right word.”

“Did something happen?”

Ben huffed out a laugh because how in the hell could he answer that question? It might have hit him after that first time he had actually fucked Cal, but in reality the feelings he had for him had actually been creeping up for some time. Maybe even before they had decided on this friends with benefits arrangement. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel casual anymore.”

Charlie actually laughed at that. “I told you. Didn’t I tell you? You don’t do casual. Never have. But that’s okay. You’re allowed to have feelings for someone, y’know?”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t think I am. Not like this. Not—not with them. I don’t think it’s what they want. And it just feels too soon, y’know? Like, I know my marriage is over but it just feels like I shouldn’t be throwing myself at the first person who comes along like this.”

“Do you love her?”

And wasn’t that a question. Ben tried to respond but his mouth just wouldn’t let the denial pass his lips. Clearly that was all the answer Charlie needed and he nodded his approval. “Hey, this is a good thing, Ben.”

“I don’t know. I—I just don’t feel ready.”

“Hey.” Charlie ducked his head to catch Ben’s eye. “There’s not a right time for this stuff. Isn’t that what you told me? It’s okay to be happy. Karen is. And the girls too. I don’t see why you shouldn’t be. When you know, you know.”

“Yeah,” Ben conceded, trying to smile as he sat back, making space for the plates of food he could see coming their way, adding under his breath so Charlie wouldn’t notice, “That’s exactly what’s worrying me.”