“So, looks like you and Lydia are working things out?”

Ben raised his eyebrows and glanced over at Mike—the father of one of the kids Caitlyn had been BFFs/mortal enemies with since kindergarten depending on which way the wind was blowing that week. They were taking a minute to hide out in the hallway outside the gymnasium, both loving their kids but wishing to hell the book fair wasn’t so damn loud and that school fundraiser could be a beer fair for once.

“If you mean we’re going to see a lawyer next week about getting the divorce started, then yeah.”

Mike looked sort of astonished. “I would have never guessed, man. You guys are keeping up one hell of a front for the kids, I got to give you that.”

“It’s not really a front.” Ben wasn’t sure he really wanted to talk to Mike about his marriage but he knew parents gossiped and kids overheard their parents so it wouldn’t hurt to have him not speculate once he was out of earshot. “Things are actually a lot easier now we’re not together. We were really good friends before we got married and it’s kinda nice to get that back after it feels like we’ve been fighting forever.”

Mike nodded like he didn’t quite get it but he was happy for them anyway. “Well, it looks good on you both. Lydia looks happy.”

Ben leaned over to him slightly. “She’s dating a doctor,” he said with a smirk.

Mike laughed. “Ouch. That’s got to hurt.”

Ben shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “Nah, it’s good. An adjustment but good. He’s a nice guy. Respectful about the kids. She deserves someone nice. I think she was thinking about asking him to come with us today but he had a shift.”

“Sounds cozy.” Mike smirked. “The girls calling him daddy yet?”

Ben sucked through his teeth as he laughed, shaking his head and raising a warning finger. “That is never going to happen. I like the guy but that’s a hard no. 

“You seeing anyone?” The question was innocent enough but it made Ben feel like he could breathe for a second.

He settled on, “I do okay,” and a knowing smile. It was a cheap, shameful deflection but one he knew for experience worked like a charm. People thought he was coy, women thought he was sweet, men thought he was banging his way through a harem of women. It used to be that he was just trying to avoid answering the question of why he wasn’t interested in sex. Now he had a whole other reason.

Mike snorted. “Nothing wrong with playing the field. I’d say I’m envious but Emma would kill me.” There was a shout that sounded like Daddy which could have meant any number of people in the crowd but Mike pushed off the wall, tuned in to his kid like a good parent but rolling his eyes as he went. “I better go. I’m sure there’s pressing need for my wallet.”

Ben nodded, knowing they would likely bump into each other again before the day was out so not worrying about a goodbye. As soon as he as gone, he pulled out his phone and opened his messages.

His daughter’s high school surrounded by kids was probably the last place he should have been looking at messages from his gay lover but as he looked back through them, clipped snippets of conversations and a mass of photos, he couldn’t help wonder what it would have been like to admit that he did have someone, but that the someone was a guy. 

There was dread there, of course, but also it didn’t feel so impossible as he scrolled back through the photos they had been sending each other and wondered at how not-scandalous the collection was. Food mostly, a weird amount of shots of the cat from the bodega Cal frequented, funny graffiti and memes, screenshots of books with a passage highlighted that usually had something to do with a conversation they’d had in passing. There were more intimate pictures, body parts half-obscured in darkness that could have been anything. The most obscene one had to be the picture Cal had sent him of him lying naked in the sun on his vacation. Not that you could see anything below the waist but the way Cal was looking into the lens reminded Ben so much of how he looked up at him when they were naked together, it made his gut clench.

He missed him. That was the surprising thing. Not that he couldn’t wait to get naked with him, that was a given but more than that, Ben just missed him. It had been two weeks and Ben was done with going another day without Cal in his arms. It was a dangerous thought and he knew it. Still he could help his mind from wandering and wondering. 

One day would Lydia be talking about Cal the way he talked about Ralph? That he was a good guy who made Ben happy? Could Ben ask Cal to come to the school fundraiser? Would that be any weirder than Ralph coming? Probably. It might be nice to stop the single moms looking at him like a hunk of meat with his arm around the waist of an attractive man. And Cal would just charm everyone, with his sweet smile, and the glasses that made him look scholarly. God, what would the girls think? Ben had to shake the thoughts away. It was a nice dream but that was all it was ever going to be. 

He had opportunities to bring up Lydia and the girls when talking with Cal. They were still keeping their cards close to their vest in many ways. Things were different than they had been when Ben was paying for Cal’s company but they seemed to very much concentrate on the benefits part of their friends with benefits situation. And Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about his family under those circumstances. So he pretended the kids didn’t exist when he was with Cal and pretended Cal didn’t exist when he was with the kids and it was working out, even if he did hate himself a little bit in both situations.

Sighing, he knew he couldn’t hide out much longer. Without thinking, he quickly typed, It’s boring here without you, and pressed send, instantly regretting how much that sounded like I miss you. He was surprised when Cal started typing right away and held his breath until his answer popped up.

You won’t be bored much longer. Home tomorrow. 

I’ll book the room, Ben replied with a smile.

He smiled even harder when his phone beeped.

Way ahead of you. See you at 7 x